If you think that someone may be experiencing domestic violence, here are some good practice responses that may be helpful for you:

DO'S

· DO take her seriously, believe her.

· DO give priority to ensuring her immediate safety.

· DO recognise her need for a positive response and your support.

· DO be sensitive to and discuss her fears.

· DO reassure her that the violence is not her fault.

· DO let her know that she is not alone in being abused.

· DO remember that racist reactions, language and cultural barriers may compound her
problems: or other reactions to her age, health, disability, class and sexuality.

· DO remember that her options may be limited by lack of or access to resources.

· DO educate yourself about what help is available to her.

· DO check if it is safe to send her letters or to phone her at home. It may be unsafe if he finds information or overhears phone conversations.

· CONFIDENTIALITY IS CRUCIAL

· DO respect her wishes if she does not want to make plans to leave.

· DO find out what she wants and see if you can help her.

· DO let her know that if she does not want to leave home she can call Refuge 24hr Crisis Line or WAFE for other options. If she lives in a council or housing association property she can ring her housing officer for advice.

· DO discuss the situation and any options open to her.

· DO help her explore ways of maximising her safety, whether she leaves or not.

· DO find out what other agencies have to offer and let her know.

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DON'TS

· DON'T ignore your intuition if you suspect a woman is being abused. Ask her in a sensitive manner if everything is ok at home.

· DON'T push too hard for information. Let her know that if she wants to talk to you about anything, you will be supportive.

· DON'T try to talk to her and her partner together; you may put her in danger.

· DON'T fob off a woman if she comes to you for help.

· DON'T be flippant or cynical or sceptical.

· DON'T ask her what she did to provoke the violence, just about the facts.

· DON'T just focus on what she alone can do in the situation.

· DON'T make choices for her.

· DON'T give up on her just because things take longer than you think.

· DON'T give the man the address and phone number of where she is staying.

· DON'T promise to give a letter or pass on a message from her to him or facilitate contact in any way.

SAFETY PLANNING

You can help your friend to leave safely by following the guidelines below, but remember that she may be put in danger if her partner discovers that she is thinking of leaving. This is the most dangerous time for a woman in an abusive relationship.

1. Encourage her to build up a "crisis plan." This will enable her to feel more in control. She doesn't have to write it down, just run through it in her head.
   
   
2. Encourage her to keep personal and legal documents, e.g. birth certificates, passports, bank books in a safe place and easily accessible in an emergency.
   
   
3. Suggest she always carry a list of telephone numbers she can access urgently, e.g. Refuge, family and friends who would be supportive.
   
   
4. Encourage her to try and save money, kept in a safe place, to pay for taxi or bus fares, if it becomes necessary.
   
   
5. Encourage her to keep spare sets of clothes that can be easily accessed.
   
   
6. Encourage her to ensure that favourite toys and personal possessions that have sentimental value are always in places where she can get them quickly.
   
   
7. Encourage her to take all the children with her even if they are sleeping; it may be difficult to get them back later on.
   
   
8. Remind her that if at a future date she decides to leave, it is safer to do so when he is not around.

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